Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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