know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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