apparently the secret to your success is patron
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
