So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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