Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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