So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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