When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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