Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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