my soul wont recognize me after tonight
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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