my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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