there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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