I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
