so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
