weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
the liver wants what the liver wants
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize