Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
