Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
