I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize