i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
