Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
