Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
