I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
