That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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