I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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