...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
