So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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