Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
