Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
