who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
