Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
