Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
