Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you inspire me to be a worse person
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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