i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
