I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
