Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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