Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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