Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
