I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize