his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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