so let's talk penis.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
