its not stalking. its research.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
