do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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