Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
