Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
