i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
