put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
