2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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