my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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