some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i think my mom watched the whole time
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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