Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
