Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize