They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
