everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
