well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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