hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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