i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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