so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize