Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
