can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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