dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
