Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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